Writing Past The Block [re-post]

This is the point at which I usually stop in my attempts at writing a novel. I don't like the story. My characters don't have enough character. It's harder now for some reason.

I have never made it past this point. It doesn't seem to have any connection to word count, it's just the point where I start second-guessing every thing I've written.I see holes in the plot. My mind says that you, the reader, will never be able to suspend your disbelief that much because the words are stupid to begin with.

The perfectionist in me sees what I wanted to say, compares it to what actually got written, and shakes her head in disgust. Feelings of inadequacy plague me at this point, and I want to stop writing the story. My brain says that maybe if I start over with something different, it will turn out better.

But I know that's a lie.

I know that if I don't finish this novel, I'll never finish any novel. Because it's not about the story. It's about me. This all boils down to my amazing ability to give up any time things get difficult. "If I can't do it right, I won't do it at all." It never ceases to amaze me that some people with 'low self-esteem,' push themselves harder than most in an effort to prove themselves.

I am the opposite. I purposely under-achieve out of fear that if I try, I'll find out I'm not the best [or that I'm one of the worst in the history of mankind].

Blogging a novel was an attempt to get around this, but it looks like I'm gonna have to either deal with it and get over it, or abandon the dream of being a writer altogether.

I don't want to abandon another dream.

I want to stick it out, because I know that I can do this. Thea's story may never see real publication, but finishing this will only make me a better writer, and eventually, I'll be good enough.

I just have to finish this story.

--Originally Posted by Shelbi at 2/04/2006 12:15:00 AM